Why “Female Nurses” Experience Marital Crises Today

The lifetime commitment between a man and a woman in the name of “Marriage” has proven very difficult to manage in this 21st century, particularly among several professions. One can, therefore, say categorically that the problem is not profession-related basically because “the profession does not make itself but rather the people in it”. In this vein, the profession of interest in this article revolves around the medical practitioners – precisely the “female Nurses”. Nursing as a profession today is a highly reputable course by the global standard which has also won itself a high pedigree among other health practitioners today. 

However, it is apparently pitiful that the body that cares so much for another soul still finds it very difficult to care for its own or be cared for without any complications. In the real sense today, female Nurses tend to experience marital crises every now and then (pause, take a look around you). The BIG question now is; 
  • Why is this scenario happening mostly to the professionals saddled with the responsibility to serve humanity? 
Or better put,
  • Why do nurses’ marriages crash easily with little or no chances of recovery/resuscitation? 
The answer to the BIG why would be addressed shortly but before that, it is highly important to say that “Not all Nurses experience marital crises,” but few of them walk through the profession without leaving a scar/bruise/stain on their marital life. 

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Now, the BIG WHY?
It is agreeable that a lot of factors can be attributed to the cause of marital crises from either party but female nurses tend to eat more from the shared cake. Hmmm! if you have to disagree with this, wait till you see the points below; 
  1. Pride 
  2. Prejudice 
  3. Financial Incapacity 
  4. Trends Around Them (History) 
  5. Preferred Choice of Partner 
  6. Reason for Marriage 
  7. Poor understanding of the nature of the job 
  8. Improper work-family balance 
  9. Disposition to patients 
  10. Competition 

Biblically, pride they say cometh before destruction. In essence, whosoever that chooses to be proud is bound to taste all the accomplices of destruction. In this case, most female nurses that are proud in nature tend to find it difficult to manage their homes regardless of how good they are at work. They want to assume the same position and authority they occupy at work, where patients are always under their mercy with their husbands at home and this can only lead to no other thing than Chaos, Arguments, Battering, Misunderstanding, Separation (CHARBAMIS) and at the extreme break up/divorce because two masters cannot pilot a ship. 

This factor follows suit with pride i.e. Pride and prejudice tend to be in the same shoe at all times. It is true that “there is an iota of pride attached to every position that one occupies in life”. Hence, most female nurses allow this pride to enter their heads and set them in a comparison between themselves and their spouses. This will lead to no other thing than CHARBAMIS if adequate care is not taken. Where the female nurses see nothing good in their partners, marriage seems to be heading towards a crash.

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Financial incapacity of the spouse in a relationship, particularly the husband, has proven to be a germane reason why marriages crash today. The case of a wife being more financially buoyant than the husband is presumed abnormal in the traditional sense but the reality of 21st century sees nothing wrong about that inasmuch as the lady remains submissive regardless of her status/prestige/financial capacity. On the contrary, where the lady demonstrates pride towards the husband, the marriage will not stand the test of time. In this case, female nurses who are way above their beloved husband financially tend to exhibit certain characters and attitudes that sooner or later push them out of the house (or force the husband to live separately from the wife). Thus, making them believe they are capable of running the family without the contribution of their hubby. 

This is basically one factor that encourages most nurses to let go of the fight against marital issues. In other words, prior experiences of senior colleagues – matrons coupled with the advice they receive from colleagues at work makes marital crises uneasily addressed. 

The preferred choice of most “female” nurses for marriage is basically their co-worker i.e. medical doctors, ahead of other options. This notion in itself makes medical doctors use them over time since it’s crystal clear that most of them want to tie the hooks desperately thereby offering their body, mind, and soul to a hardworking and money-bag type of guy. In essence, most female nurses experience marital crises because the man they end up with is not their preferred choice. On another note, those that get their preferred choice tend to experience the same situation because of their pride, character, attitude, and their fond belief that they can stand on their own. 

The basic reason for the coming together of two grown-ups (male and female) to live together as husband and wife is apparently not the dream of most female nurses. The salient reason for marriage to an average female nurse is to change her surname and to bear her desired number of children. Afterwards, the expected love life that should be rosy and fun-filled would be truncated for pride and prejudice reasons basically because they feel they can afford to take care of their children. 
It is no lie that nursing job is very demanding as it has to do with service to humanity. Lack of proper understanding of the nature and demands of the nursing profession on the part of the husband (especially if he doesn't belong to the health line) may throw the marriage into disarray because whenever duty calls, the wife (nurse) must obey. This call may present itself in forms of shift duties, most especially night duties, extra hours at work in case of an emergency, extra commitment at work to secure promotion, etc. 

The inability of most female nurses to balance their work and family effectively has torn their marriages apart. Female nurses tend to put their career first before any other thing, thus neglecting the needs of their family members. Their husbands don’t get their full attention because of their shift duties, likewise, their children who are always in the need of motherly care and attention. This improper balance between work and family begins to form an irreconcilable gap that neither of the two parties can bridge. 

At this point, it is germane to say that some female nurses are not worthy of this profession because of the harsh way in which they treat and attend to patients who are obviously in pain. Some nurses do and undo whenever they come in contact with patients who are helplessly in need of their expertise/professionalism. They see themselves as next to God who could decide whether the patient lives or dies and as such, they utter just about anything to these patients without minding the agony of such. Either repercussion or curse, one of these tend to turn around and fight these nurses in their marriages and leave them in marital agony for the rest of their lives. 

Female nurses are always engaged in a form of silent competition among themselves and the reason for this competition is best known to them alone. They compare their standard of living with their colleagues at work and strive so hard to meet up with their mates. This could lead some of them into some unexpected acts (adultery), especially where the husband is not financially capable of such extravagant life or the high standard of living. It is needless to point out the havoc that such shameful act can cause in their homes. 

Above all, it is very crucial and important at this juncture to say this article is not crafted to polish the nursing profession blue-black but to rather expose what and what challenges are faced by females in that call while relatively few are doing fine (work and family related) #God Help Our Nurses

Owolola Oluwapelumi


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